Numbers are confusing, but it’s day 8 of Eleanor’s life and day 1 of the Abrupt halt for Motherhood blog. Mommy blogs are everywhere, so I don’t write for fame and fortune. I write for the wide-ranging versions of mothers out there who look for someone like them – or nothing like them.
Eleanor was born August 11th at 3:11am. I was not allowed in the delivery room or even the hospital due to Covid-19 concerns. It is 2020 afterall. I won’t be able to join in all the 2020 Disaster jokes because this year brought me Ellie. This year brought me my first child. This year brought me to motherhood.
I did A LOT of reading in preparation for Eleanor. I read “What to Expect”s and articles and blogs and forums (God help me), but I rarely saw people to shared my story. I’ve read mantras of “motherhood is hard” and “I want my sleep back” and “it’s okay to hate your baby.” God bless these women for giving women everywhere a voice and a place to feel safe in every aspect of motherhood.
My journey is like every other mother’s journey, and yet, it’s nothing like anyone else’s. I hope this blog provides funny anecdotes to other parents and families. I hope it provides hope to parents struggling to become parents. I hope it allows space for motherhood in all its forms. There will be days where I sound just like those blogs and forums that tell you ‘it’s okay to hate your baby,’ but I hope it also adds something to the conversation about hope and loss, expectation and the unexpected, joy and success.
If I’m successful in the next year, I will have created a space to record what it has been like to become a mother when it was all I ever wanted to become. Despite that for so long it was all I wanted to become.